you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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