i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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