Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
