somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
