I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
