Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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