She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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