so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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