either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Randomize
