Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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