Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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