We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize