I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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