we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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