then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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