Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just pynch a tree in the face
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
