Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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