He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize