I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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