So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
