I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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