Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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