i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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