I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
