i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
This house was built for laser tag.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
