$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The ass gains better be worth it
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