I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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