The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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