Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
