pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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