doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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