bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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