Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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