My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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