How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
