I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
