My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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