I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
try to milk me bitch
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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