the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hippo gnu deer
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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