i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
