well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
this is an emotional support booty call
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
