if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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