your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
