My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
