Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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