he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
