why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
