I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
