I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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