I wish I only lived at night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
