How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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