Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
