the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
