probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
