she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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