On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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