White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
this will be a night to untag.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
