Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize