no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
