and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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