Why are handjobs necessary in class?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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