Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
