i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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