I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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