If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
