Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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