We won't sleep together?
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
