yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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