im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
