I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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