He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
