Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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