also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
