i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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