When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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