just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
