So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
