White coat. Heels.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
